Hey there friends, welcome to my new weekly feature, The Tuesday 32. Every week, I’ll look at the good and the bad that happened to every team during the week. There will be pictures, there may be GIFs and possibly some attempts at humor. It’ll be muy diversión.
The Good: The Honey Badger does, in fact, GAF. If he DGAF, then he probably wouldn’t have hustled to make this incredibly Honey Badgeresque play. This play is like fine art: you may need to be on some good synthetic weed to be able to fully comprehend all it has to give.
(via The Big Lead)
The Bad: Well, despite denying Jared Cook from that 1st quarter touchdown, the Redbirds went on to allow him to score two more actual touchdowns (including this one). Cook also went for 141 yards, including a huge catch leading to the Rams’ game-winning field goal.
The Good: Steven Jackson. He looked good in his Falcons debut, gathering 122 yards on 16 touches, a total Michael Turner didn’t reach but once (in Week 4 v Carolina) last year. While no spring chicken at the age of 30, he should be a vast improvement over the WWI style tank that Turner was last year.
The Bad: Those last 2 plays were both sooooo close. On 3rd and goal, Ramon Humber jostled Jackson just enough to force a drop. On 4th and goal, Tony Gonzalez had approximately a 37.20% chance of coming up with the Matt Ryan pass, only to see it bounce into the awaiting mitts of Roman Harper, who does not play on his team.
The Good: New addition Elvis Dumervil had a big impact (at least in the evenly played first half) on the pass rush, racking up a sack on former teammate Peyton Manning and hurrying him 3 times. Also, Lardarius Webb, coming back from a torn ACL last year, was the lone bright spot of the Baltimore secondary, looking just like the shutdown corner he had become before the injury.
The Bad: Well, just about everything else. Ray Rice was largely ignored, on the ground at least, with only 12 carries. Joe Flacco, much to the chagrin of Ron Jaworski, played like the Joe Flacco everyone knew from the regular season. Their #2 receiver was injured by his own teammate.
Oh and giving up a record-tying amount of touchdown passes can’t be good either. (Via Deadspin)
The Good: EJ Manuel looked like he belongs as an NFL starter. His stat line may not back this up but my eyes do dammit and that’s good enough for me right now.
The Bad: CJ Spiller didn’t exactly inspire confidence as the 9.09th (NFL.com’s number) best fantasy player this year. He gained only 41 yards on 17 carries, adding 14 yards on 5 catches. This is the part where I snootily say “My boring as hell fantasy football drafting system told you so!”: my boring as hell fantasy football drafting system told you so!
The Good: They held a Seattle offense that averaged 25.8 points/game to 12. Congrats!
The Bad: We knew there were some questions regarding new offensive coordinator Mike Shula but oh man. 125 passing yards on 23 passing attempts? 7 points, tying their season low from last year? Yes, Seattle’s defense is great (#1 in scoring D last year) but even they allowed over 2 touchdowns per game on average (15.3 pts/game allowed). With weapon’s as dynamic as Cam Newton and Steve Smith, this team should be putting up at least 20 every time out.
The Good: The defense still looks positively electric, turning the Bengals over 3 times led by 2 Peanut Tillman interceptions. Even without longtime head coach Lovie Smith at the helm, this group looks to be a big strength.
The Bad: In many ways, this team bore every bit of resemblance to last years’ team. The offense didn’t change all that much under new coach Marc Trestman, as Jay Cutler played moderately well, throwing a pick and depending highly on Brandon Marshall.
The Good: A.J. Green looks healthy. That’s a good sign for a team that some expert prognosticators have picked to make the Super Bowl. He finished with 9 catches, 162 yards and 2 touchdowns.
The Bad: The running game could not do anything (63 yards in 21 carries) and Andy Dalton did nothing to remove the question mark off his rubber wedding ring.
The Good: TE Jordan Cameron lived up the fantasy sleeper hype, pulling in 9 balls for 108 yards and a score, despite being pretty much fully responsible for Weeden’s 3rd INT.
The Bad: LOL Brandon Weeden aka The Midlife Crisis.
The Good: Forced 6 turnovers from their NFC East rival Giants, probably raising Tom Coughlin’s blood pressure to dangerous levels. If Coughlin were to have to retire due to this spike in BP, that would certainly work in the Cowboys advantage in their never-ending quest towards the top of the division. Also, this:
The Bad: In typical Cowboys fashion, they tried their damndest to let the Giants win. Despite his 3 interceptions, Eli Manning burned the Cowboys secondary for 450 yards and 4 touchdowns. Also, the fact that this was the Cowboy’s first win vs the Giants in Cowboys Stadium in 5 tries is really, very, truly sad.
The Good: Peyton Manning da God.
The Bad: That one stretch of a few minutes where everyone wondered if signing Wes Welker was the best thing. You, after he muffed that punt and before he caught two touchdown passes?
The Good: Reggie Bush looked fantastic in his new blue and silver duds. Yesterday may be the closest he looked to USC Reggie Bush since he took a limo ride to the 2005 Heisman ceremony (sorry, I should’ve prefaced that last sentence as NSFW. Who could imagine something so hideous. Thank God he got his Heisman taken away.)
The Bad: I’m not sure what Calvin Johnson did to piss off Roger Goodell but he really seems to get some bullshit calls on his touchdown passes. Maybe its that Goodell always plays against him in fantasy football in Week 1. Maybe its the seriously confusing new commercials in which Diddy somehow became involved. Maybe I pay too much attention to this since CJ is on my fantasy team and the last time I had him on my team, THIS EXACT FUCKING THING HAPPENED. Who knows.
The Good: This catch was gorgeous. Aaron Rodgers is still Aaron Rodgers. They reaffirmed the fact that they are one of the Top 5 Super Bowl Contenders this year, taking a team that many are picking to return to the Super Bowl to the last seconds. And, they were a replacement-ref-esque call away from Mason Crosby attempting a field goal (admittedly, a 59 yarder or so) for the win. Plus, they slowed down Kaepernick…
The Bad: OK, so they still allowed 434 yards and 3 touchdowns to the 49ers quarterback. That’s 11 less yards and 1 less touchdown than they allowed in their playoff loss last January. So they they slowed him from 130 to 115 miles per hour. That’s still arrestable everywhere but the Autobahn. In Kaepernick’s passenger seat was new buddy Anquan Boldin, who pulled down a modest 208 yards and a score on 13 catches. Extended metaphors are fun.
The Good: Andre Johnson put to rest any talk that he may not still be a Top 5 WR in the NFL? What, that was only me saying that? Carry on.
The Bad: They didn’t exactly inspire confidence with the way they started against the Chargers. Thankfully, they were playing the Chargers.
The Good: Andrew Luck looked sharp when he did get the chance to pass it.
The Bad: They needed a stroke of Luck (I know, corny as fuck) to defeat the Raiders AT HOME. Stop with all this “no way they’re regressing!” BS. They’re regressing.
The Good: Teddy Bridgewater has looked fantastic so far over at Louisville.
The Bad: Jadeveon Clowney hasn’t looked like the revolutionary pass rusher everyone deemed him at the end of last season. Do not fret yet though, Jags fans (or should I say Duval?) you still have another 7 months to figure out who you’ll pick #1.
The Good: Alex Smith stepped in and threw 2 touchdown passes in the 1st quarter, 1/4 of the way to all of last year’s total. He may not be Peyton Manning or Aaron Rodgers but he sure ain’t this guy either
The Bad: They played the Jaguars, calm the fuck down already.
The Good: The Fins took advantage of Brandon Weeden (nickname suggestion: “The Mid Life Crisis”), intercepting the ginger-haired demon (sports demon, not real life demon. I’m sure he’s a nice guy) 3 times and sacking him 6 times.
The Bad: Mike Wallace seems upset. He caught only 1 pass and was targeted 5 times, 4th most on the team behind the competent Brian Hartline (15) and the immortal Brandon Gibson (10) and Charles Clay (6). I certainly didn’t watch much of this game (c’mon, its Browns and Dolphins) so I have no idea whether the lack of targets was due to Wallace not being open or Wallace just not being thrown to. Either way, not the best start to the Fins career of the $60 Million Dollar Man.
The Good: This was nice to see. It sure was fun until I realized that I was playing AD in fantasy. Fantasy football is a gift, fantasy football is a curse.
The Bad: This was also nice to see. It’s like the offseason never happened and 2012 is just continuing on. If you’re a Vikings fan and you’re guaranteed a prime Adrian Peterson for infinity but have to take a “prime” Christian Ponder into the void with you, do you do it?
The Good: Danny Amendola and Tom Brady already have a good rapport going, combining for 104 yards on 10 catches.
The Bad: They BARELY beat the Bills. THE BILLS WITH A ROOKIE QB. Also, Shane Vereen, who had 159 yards on 21 touches, will be missing the next few weeks with a broken bone in his wrist.
The Good: The Mac Daddy is back.
The Bad: They allowed Harry Douglas to get 93 yards. He’s clearly the Falcons’ 4th best receiver. I don’t know man it’s late and I’m tired.
The Good: They almost killed Tony Romo. To some people that may make the world a better place. Those people tend to overlap with people that call him Tony Homo. Not sure if that’s a coincidence or not.
The Bad: They almost killed their coach with 6 turnovers. Brief aside: when trying to find a relevant picture to put here for Coach Coughlin being angry, I typed “Tom Coughlin Cowboy” in the Google seach bar. It did not pop up with instant search results and instead prompted me to hit enter. This usually only happens when Google thinks you’re gonna be dealing with adult content. I was too afraid to hit enter, hence no picture.
The Good: According to ESPN Stats & Info, Geno Smith was “off-target” on only “off-target” on 4 of his 38 passes (11%). Mark Sanchez was off target on 22% (LOLOL) of his passes last season. Progress!
The Bad: Vincent Jackson had his way with rookie CB Dee Milliner and veteran Antonio Cromartie, compiling 154 yards on 7 catches. The fact that they were facing off against former Jets superstar CB Darrelle Revis, who played like there was no injury in the first place, makes it that much worse.
The Good: Terrelle Pryor showed why he was trusted to be the #1 QB on the depth chart (writing that still pains me as a Raider fan), passing for 217 yards and a score and added 112 on the ground. It wasn’t all biscuits and gravy (mmmmm): he threw 2 picks, including the one that sealed the loss. However, it was a fine performance, especially for those who were crazy enough to draft him in fantasy football (looking at you Bobby).
The Bad: Their pass defense left a lot to be desired. Granted, its not like a lot was expected, but Andrew Luck completed each of first 11 attempts and one gets the feeling that if the Colts drew up the pass more than 23 times, the game wouldn’t have been as close as it was.
The Good: Pretty much everything that happened in the first half besides that bullshit fumble return for a touchdown. The Eagles ran 53 offensive plays in the first half, as many as the Steelers did all Sunday vs the Titans (thanks, Rich Eisen). Besides the bullshit fumble return, the Eagles outscored the ‘Skins 26-0. They outgained them 322-75. They made 21 first downs, the ‘Skins made 5. Also, good on me picking Shady McCoy as my preseason Offensive Player of the Year. I’m so damn smart.
The Bad: That bullshit fumble return for a touchdown. Seriously, how dumb was that? Maybe the worst part of it was Mike Tirico and John Gruden acting like it was so damn clear that the pass was backwards. Really? The ball traveled about 3 yards before being swatted down and there was literally no point of reference to compare it to. That’s right, I just went optics on yo ass.’ (Via SB Nation)
The Good: Troy Polamalu is out there doing Crazy Flying Samoan things. Football is grand.
(Via SB Nation)
The Bad: They gained 195 total yards against the Titans, a defense that gave up the 6th most yards in the league last year. More importantly, it appears that some sort of mafioso type paid RG David DeCastro to obliterate the right knee of C Maurkice Pouncey, only the best offensive lineman on the team. Good job, good effort David.
The Good: The first 40 minutes were grand. Philip Rivers was slinging touchdown passes to a bunch of scrap-heap receivers, the Texans offense couldn’t get going: it felt like 2010.
The Bad: The last 20 minutes were garbage. Philip Rivers was throwing game-changing pick 6’s, the Texans offense couldn’t be stopped: if felt like 2010. For all we know, this man is still lurking somewhere in the Qualcomm rafters. Whatever you do, DO NOT fist bump him back. How do you think Philip Rivers went from an MVP candidate to this?
The Good: The passing offense didn’t seem to miss the injured Michael Crabtree much, as Colin Kaepernick threw a career high 412 yards, 208 to new running mate Anquan Boldin. The Kaep-to-Vernon Davis connection also looked crisp, connecting for 98 yards, his most in a regular season contest with Kaepernick, and 2 scores.
The Bad: Looking more like their ugly cousin across the bay, the 49ers racked up 11 penalties for 85 yards, matching their season high from last year. Besides that, nothing too concerning for the defending NFC champs.
The Good: They somehow pulled another win out of their ass, something that seemingly happened 83 times last year.
The Bad: They had to pull a win out of their ass vs the Panthers and the ineptitude of Ron Rivera and Mike Shula.
The Good: According to Pro Football Focus, DE Robert Quinn had the best game of the week (at least coming into Monday) with a rating of 8.2. In the world of traditional stats he also fared quite well, sacking new Cardinals QB Carson Palmer thrice.
The Bad: Their starting quarterback used the sentence “Hey bro, be ready” to instill confidence in TE Jared Cook after his sure-fire TD was taken away by Tyrann Mathieu’s hustle. Hey bro, be ready? That’s some Matt Leinart shit. No wonder the Rams blow.
The Good: Vincent Jackson had a great game, as described above in the Jets section.
The Bad: Pretty much everything else, highlighted by this stroke of wizardry.
The Good: The defense took advantage on the Steeler-on-Steeler crime that took out Maurkice Pouncey, sacking Big Ben 5 times and forcing the Steelers into 2 turnovers. The Steelers didn’t score off their own merits (see below) until after the 2 minute warning in the 4th.
The Bad: This is not the best way to start a season.
The Good: They made it close in the 4th quarter, the only quarter in which their fans didn’t boo them! RGIII had more than half of his yards in the quarter, 169 yards that probably kept his fans from committing mass genocide and using a racist nickname to commemorate the occasion. Whoops, already happened.
The Bad: Crazy shit like this happened to them all night. Poor Mike Shanahan doesn’t know what the hell this thing is but he wants to keep it out of football. Or maybe he’ll use it so much that it wears down and eventually suffers a season-ending knee injury (final paragraph zing!)
(Via SB Nation)